Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
