Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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