He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
