i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Hippo gnu deer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
