i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
