you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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