never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
