I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We're too hungover to prance.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
