Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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