Banned from zoo.
Again?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
