dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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