I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
