Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
