I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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