so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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