Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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