Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
