I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
