im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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