like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
