worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
