Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
