so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
