He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
