the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
