You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
