I'm so fucking centered right now
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
