They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
