I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
