i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
