I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
