I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize