I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
