Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
