Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
