is your mom at the bar?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
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he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
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That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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