You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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