Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
