Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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