You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
