How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
