yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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