she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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