She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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