her facebook's as public as her vagina
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
