she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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