How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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