her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
