Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
