I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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