I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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