i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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