butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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