I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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