hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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