I smell stomach acid.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize