i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
