I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
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She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
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I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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