I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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