Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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